Closing Address

To be entrusted with the delivery of the closing address for a symposium like this one is not really an easy task. The person volunteering to do this could not be in his right mind, if he had witnessed the preparations and the vivid description of the same in the inaugural address. Fortunately, while I was beginning to think of the enormous responsibility and considering that I had probably been rather rash to accept it, realized that the first day ended as a BLUE (Boring Listless Uncharacteristically smooth Event).

The reason for the turnaround still remains to be examined, though may be attributed to the words of apprehension at the inaugural address, which initiated a markovian chain reaction leaving those involved, scrambling for the six sigma boundaries, to minimize outliers. Our symbiotic partner in the college, the mathematical counterpart, provided the much needed crowd for our fledgling event. Flanked activities, like sudoku (what?) and crossword witnessed far greater attendance than for which, it was really meant. Even though there was no lack of stutter in the speeches, the random walk was rather well controlled by the absorbing boundaries, of the editors. Punctuality of the invitees ironically, lead to random flutters, as their arrivals were normally estimated with huge biases.

Regular snacks were offered, including ‘samosa’, sandwich, tea and ‘gulab jamun’. During the course of the event, the presence of a ‘samosa’ eating monster was proven at 99% significance with the ‘S’ test statistic at 135 and 205 for the two days respectively. I must though mention the fact, that the ‘samosa’ was rather fresh and tasty, while the sandwich was its exact antithesis.

I thereby end by congratulating all those involved, who have been able to pull up a miraculous escape from being chagrined. I must preen the hardworking members who have been able to control, a highly uncorrelated group of stochastic events, which have undoubtedly left a mark, advertising the presence of our highly insignificant department.

God Bless You All!!

Inaugural Address

PLEASE DON’T MIND!!

Dear dumbfounded duds, on this momentous occasion, I present before you set of pathetic, unplanned and near random events which in no way are related to the stupid seminar. This tragedy of emotional desperation began with a cat fight among well respected people of high standing. Egoistic clashes and fight for supreme power led to bickering and other childish audacities which nearly put the preparations out of track (not sure whether we are still on it?).

Defecting sponsors and invitees have been common place over the past week with embarrassing regularity. The polarization of the society into a few centers of power, followed up with the usual eclectic mix politics, has been of rather interest to the onlookers. The sedate posters embellish all unimportant corners of the university to minimize chances of damage to those few intellectuals who have been held captive by rising cutoffs. Banners with umpteen mistakes decorate the filthy auditorium within which the two day extravaganza of street fights brawls and a pandemonium of mindless hoodlums is about to take place.

I hope that at least a few of you will live through, to tell the story, which I am sure is going to be a spicy mix of tragedy, suspense and a few fight sequences. Now I leave you to your miseries and would pray to see you all again at the end of two days.

Amen